A mixture of whats to come and what is..

I think that there are some people that you meet and you feel a very strong connection to and then there are those people that happen to be in your life (like family) and they are there for a reason. But sometimes those reasons are hard to know. There are people, like my sister, whom I have this deeper connection to than anyone else in my life. And its more than a sister connection!

I think that my sister is a strong part of my dharma.  The minute that she was in my life I felt a connection that was strong.  Its not just a sister connection either.  Maybe it means, and I hope, that she will be a constant thread throughout my life.

Sebastien came into my life when I was heavily focused on myself. Probably more than I have ever been before. I had just committed to brining those things into my life that I wanted and that were good for me. I have to say that I worked really hard to get there and I know that I want to continue connecting to those things…

But there was something missing. It wasn’t complete. I wanted to find someone that I could share my passions and experiences with.   A year ago, I was in no shape for attracting the right person. I attracted people where couldn’t see pass their own stuff. I think it was because I had never really dealt with the fact that my dad left me. So I kept replaying the loss (by picking guys who were only able to care about themselves) hoping that somehow I could change it. Like if I was fun enough, or athletic enough, or if I was just born a boy maybe dad wouldn’t have left. But luckily I have done enough work to realize that dad leaving wasn’t my fault and even if I was the prince of France.. he still would of left. (Yes I do know that there is not a prince of France.) But I also know that I haven’t done all the work. I haven’t accepted all the stuff that has happened along the way. Soo I am cautious about how that effects my world and especially in my attractions to others. But I feel that I am not going backwards and that I am making the steps (however slow and small) forward.

I feel fortunate enough to feel a strong connection to my dharma. Even when it would have been easier to just fall into the trap of what society believes is “right” or what our/my family believes is “right” I never did it for very long. I was to drawn to my dharma…

I know that the minute that I meet Sebastien and felt his presence I wanted to get to know him more and learn as much as I could about him.   I felt very comfortable around him.  We use to (not like it has been that long ago) walking down the beach together and talking for hours.  I really enjoyed it because I think it was the first time that I exposed a more connected me.  And I’m so excited that in doing so I have attracted Sebastien more and more.  Its like getting rewarded for doing something right…  Which is not a reinforcement I have been open to in the past.  It makes me very happy and excited about whats to come.

I still have a lot of healing and accepting left to do. But I know that and I will do it… because its on my “List of things to accomplish”…he he.


One Response to “A mixture of whats to come and what is..”

  1. semantic database on May 20th, 2008 10:11 am

    I charish our friendship and believe our connection is one that was built on our dharma (if that makes sense?). You make me want to be a better person, not only for others but for myself. I look forward to our lives and the moments we can share and appreciate together.

    I love my sister!!

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